Onward

Remember when I said I’d be back?

Months ago?

It feels like eons.

I feel like these last 5 months have moved at light-speed and at a snail’s pace. I look up and weeks have flown by. Then I get back to my classroom on a Tuesday at 11:53 and my day has moved maybe a centimeter.

I spent time this weekend standing by one of my best friend’s while she married her new best friend. That’s the way it is supposed to go. This is the second time in the last 4 months that this has happened. Once to a friend in November, and now only a short 72 hours ago to another. My group of friends from college (6 of us), the ones you can drop off and pick up with in an instant, are moving through this transition. I started the ball rolling in 2013 when my husband and I made it official…another friend the following year, then a break…these next three are all happening in less than a year’s time.

With each one I’m so excited and happy that they are starting the next chapter of their lives with the people who are now their biggest support and best friend. But I’m also a little sad that our group is changing…my  marriage didn’t seem like such a big change…my husband had been around since 6 months after I met these girls…it just feels like the end of an era.

But for the best. I know we all have to grow up. And it may be the best thing in the entire world to see the people you love the most the happiest they’ve ever been…at least since I’ve known them.

Being around them reminds me of what friendship is supposed to feel like. It also reminds me of how rare it is to find these types of friends in life…I’m also faced with the challenge of trying to cultivate friendships with new people…people who are geographically close to me…so I don’t become a hermit who lives their life on the phone or through tests or the internet…but with real people. In real life. At real coffee dates or knitting dates or volleyball games or on patios or at secret family dinners…

Just thoughts. Maybe being 30 has lead to some insights and good changes beyond feeling like my body is aging and my clock is ticking and time is just marching on. Where does it leave me? How do I keep time?

How do I make the most of my time here?

Sounds like a new challenge and a new thing to focus on…besides all the amazing people I need to befriend and the new people that I need to let in…stop holding at an arms length for fear of being hurt or being found out or disappointing…hoping that when they do know me they are happy they know me, and I them. These moments of being vulnerable and wanting to connect. Not letting them pass me by but taking advantage and trying my best.

Woah! Sappy and cliche.

Maybe tomorrow I can share some knitting…I won’t ask you to hold your breath but maybe you should just go to instagram… @hardknitlife

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