Wanting

I want to write. I don’t know what to write.

There was a social media presentation today at school for the kids. One thing that struck me about the presenter is how she said that so many people try to paint a perfect picture of their lives online. This creates the “Compare & Despair” thing that we have going on when we check out their pictures, posts, whatever. I try to not engage in that…I try to just look for ideas I can implement for myself. I know that everyone’s lives have their challenges and that no matter the pretty picture painted on the internet, it’s often not entirely true. I try to put out my best foot…while being authentic.

It’s how I try to live my life. I try not to get bogged down with the bad…try to not complain…or compare…or whatever. But I too get sucked in. Some days are easier than others to pass on the bitch session…I’d like to think lack of sleep contributes…but some days, you just feel like you get the short end of everything…like I’ve said before on here…everything just keeps coming in a steady stream.

I’ve signed my contract. I’m employed for another year. I’m praying my partner teacher signs her’s too…I’m not sure she will, I know this year has been hard for her…I’m hoping that her connection with the current 7th grade will keep her here…I need one more year for my own learning and sanity. I feel like I actually have someone on the same wavelength as me…someone I can talk to and I’m not worried about all the crazy social games that 36 teachers play like middle school girls. I was hoping that as an adult we would have outgrown that stuff, but maybe being around kids brings it all back out? I’m not sure, but some days the people on my team feel pretty slim…like me and my partner…maybe another bystander teacher or two…I’m not sure. I’m hoping that summer break will bring us all some healing and insight…maybe we can drop the ridiculous middle school girl drama pretense. I have a hard enough time keeping my students out of that shit, I don’t want to devote any time to keeping myself out of it!

Thankfully, I’ve had a good amount of knitting time lately. I also had the opportunity to try the Harvest Cardigan on my niece…it fits and she loves it! Only one tiny problem…she would like it finished yesterday 🙂 That’s not exactly a problem, except I haven’t finished it. I’m hoping that I will soon.

I also spent some time over the last week adding my new-ish stash to Ravelry…my friend Korey loves to call me out when I’m browsing my online stash for something to new to cast on…I try to keep it updated so I can frequent the LYS less frequently…and knit down my stash…

I’ve got yarn for 5 sweaters. For me. I need to just knit the damn things. I’m not shrinking. I need to knit the sweater to fit the body I have.

I am being active. I signed up to run a 5k in a few weeks and I’ve been “running” every other day…I put running in quotes because its so slow…but it is the effort.

I’m holding off on starting the Whole30 until the summer…the website talks about feeling crabby and a lack of patience….things I cannot afford as a luxury until the school year ends. I don’t need to feel like crap these last few weeks if I can help it!

That’s better.

Glad I could share 🙂

❤
Jenna

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4 thoughts on “Wanting

  1. Summer (and a break!) is soon! I’m surprised to hear that teachers act like middle-school students too, that doesn’t happen in academia (which is a giant relief because otherwise I’d be screwed. I so don’t understand those things!)

  2. wow – sounds like you need the summer to restore and recover. I did whole 30 and was lucky enough (or everyone else was!) that I was sick on the days they say you are crabbiest, and so I was home in bed. 🙂 I have to say it works, though, and I will be doing it again starting June 1. If you want to get a head start on it, think about your morning coffee. If you need it with sugar and or cream, you might want to start weaning yourself off the caffeine by using decaf now, because the shock of no coffee if you can’t drink it black is nasty. This I know for a fact. 🙂

    Yes, you should knit yourself sweaters that fit you and feel wonderful when you wear them. Knit one this summer! 🙂 You deserve it.

  3. As the parent of a middle-schooler, let me say that teachers like you are amazing. I don’t know how you put up with the kids sometimes, and to know that the teachers are like that too? That’s disappointing, although I guess there are people like that everywhere. Hang in there, and I hope your summer break refreshes you!

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